Great Left Coast Poker Smoke & Lies Society (GLCPS&L)

Great Left Coast Poker Smoke and Lies (GLCPS&L) Society

Charter:

The GLCPS&L Society will take two to three hours twice each month to play poker, smoke stogies and explore alternatives to truth in such endeavors as fishing, politics, love life and philosophy.

Location:

A secret location known only to the GRRs (usually a cigar store with indulgent ownership). 

Dates: 

Start Date: August 3rd, 2006 6pm-9pm
Every 2nd and 4th Wednessday night. OR whenever at least four of the DREGs and/or GRRs can set down their doilies long enough to play

 

Society Rules:

  1. You must be willing to lie, smoke stogies and afford to lose money at poker in no particular order.
  2. You do not have to know how to play poker, we will teach you really good, honest!
  3. You have to have a certain quality about you. We can’t tell you what it is but we will know it when we see it, and more importantly, if we don’t.
  4. There will be two kinds of cherished members of the society: 
    • Gifted Riff Raff (GRR) – That is to say regular members of the game with Omni-potent skill at lying, loosing and being pretty funny;
    • General Dregs of Man or Woman (DREG) – That is to say that you have neither the good sense to live in San Diego and/or you lack the ability to convince your spouse to let you join regularly. The primary skill set needed here is full funding and the ability to lose at cards at a high rate of speed
  5. The stakes are not going to be high – Nickel, Dime and Quarter. Limits will be set if need be. The objective here is not wealth of purse. The objective of this society is wealth of experience and company.
  6. Meetings will be held twice each month. No dues will be taken nor minutes. We will do no good to our fellow man, livers or lungs.
  7. The meetings will be held at a regular location where cigars, beer and wine will be abundantly available
  8. Those members who drink too much will be summarily put in a cab, or driven home by another member whichever is more embarrassing for the individual in question
  9. If you give the Sergeant at Arms any guff about being put in a cab or being driven home, we will call your spouse and tell them what you are really like and this will likely lead to you being banned from the game
  10. If you are a Gifted Riff Raff and you cannot live up to your role, you must arrange for suitable representation, anytime you are going to be absent from your chair
  11. If you are a DREG, you may be granted an audience by which you may come to a meeting, buy us all drinks and lose your money without complaint. These grants are expected to be much sought after and begging will be considered favorably. But knowing the Riff Raff, bribery will work better.
  12. If you are promoted from mere humanoid to DREG, then you shall enjoy that status until such time as you move to San Diego and become a Gifted Riff Raff Or you die whichever comes first;
  13. Dress Code – Unless absolutely necessary, dresses are not required. Casual, slovenly or costumed dress is all OK.
  14. Assignment of Rank is permanent unless we change our minds.
  15. When we need to or feel like it, we may change the rules but probably not after the cards have been dealt.
  16. What happens at society meetings stays at society meetings. All Gifted Riff Raffs and DREGs are sworn to secrecy unless it becomes a really funny story, then it’s ok to blab.
  17. We play Dealer’s choice – whomever deals calls the game to be played.
  18. No money at the table. We will handle payments offline. Sammy will supply the cards (pre-marked) and chips…all we have to do is buy our beer, wine and stogies during the game from Sammy.
  19. This is a private game being played in a public location. Participation in the game is by Society invitation only. You may invite spectators as you like.
  20. Cell phones, PDAs and the like are to be turned off and preferably left in your cars.
  21. No talking about work, unless it is to shameless lie about a co-workers parentage or other such non-sense but nothing productive will be tolerated.
  22. The meetings will start promptly at 6pm. If you are late, your buddies will ante up $.25 per hand for every hand that you are not there to protect your chips to a max of $5.00.
  23. ‘Paul’ straights and flushes are extremely valuable hands. They will not win but they always make everyone smile and laugh.Highest 5 of a Kind beats everything (including royal flushes)
  24. A hand consisting of 3 pairs, while often interesting, does not usually win much of anything unless its the opportunity to shuffle or deal the next sometimes, depending upon where you are sitting in the rotation.
  25. The maximum Bet or Raise is $2.00. If you feel the need to bet more then you have missed the point. The money is nowhere near as important as the right to give the losers crap about their skills and abilities and general manliness
  26. Recently, we discovered that we were technically and spiritually limited in our ability to account for our individual performances in a monetary fashion. Technically, we failed to install adequate safeguards for the data. But more importantly, spiritually we never really cared that much about the money. So The GLCPS&L Society decided to donate what money we did have to hurricane relief and stop pretending to maintain any books at all.  We will find some other way to recognize the winners and losers.